The truth behind spiritual initiation, personal collapse, and stepping into healing work.
The Hard Way
I’m often asked how I became a healer.
The answer I usually give is simple:
“The hard way.”
And while that might sound like a throwaway line… it’s also the truth.
Recently, I was invited onto a podcast to talk about this properly—and for the first time in a decade, I really sat with the question.
Not the short answer.
The real one.
I’ve come to see that for most of us, there’s an initiation.
Not something we choose—
something that happens to us.
A point where life no longer supports who we’ve been.
Where things begin to fall away.
And if we want to move forward…
we have to let go.
For years, my spiritual practice was guiding me somewhere.
I could feel it.
But getting there required something I resisted for a long time:
Letting go of who I thought I was.
And the more I resisted that,
the harder things became.
Until eventually, I didn’t have a choice.
There was a period of my life that I can’t fully return to now.
Not because I’ve forgotten it—
but because it no longer exists in the same way.
At the time, though, it felt like everything was collapsing.
I was made redundant.
Then again.
Business ventures failed to gain traction—or failed completely.
I found myself deep in debt, without income, and unable to see a way forward.
I didn’t start healing because it felt like a calling.
I started because I was out of options.
I was too wounded not to.
And too broke to ask anyone else to help me.
Looking back, I can see that I had already been preparing.
I had read extensively—healing, spirituality, consciousness.
But I never believed it could be my path.
That version of me didn’t see it as possible.
And in truth…
that version of me didn’t survive.
What people often call “ego death” isn’t a single moment.
It’s a process.
Messy. Uncomfortable.
Gradual, and at times, relentless.
But somewhere in that unraveling, something shifts.
Not something new—
something true.
As I let go of who I thought I was,
I began to step into who I actually am.
One of the biggest realizations along the way was this:
My spiritual practice alone wasn’t enough.
Without working with energy, my system was:
weak, vulnerable, and unable to hold the level of awareness I was accessing in meditation.
So I started with what I could.
Clearing emotional blockages.
Working on myself, layer by layer.
And from there, things began to deepen.
What followed was a much deeper exploration into:
The non-physical aspects of the body.
The energetic systems that underpin everything we experience.
And the wider reality that exists beyond what we can see.
Far beyond anything I had previously imagined.
As I continued walking this path, something began to change.
Not all at once—but steadily.
Life started to improve.
My circumstances shifted.
And eventually, people began coming to me for healing.
There’s something important in that.
Because unless we begin to understand this level of reality, we tend to repeat the same patterns—over and over again.
Not because we’re doing something wrong…
but because we’re only working on part of the system.
To create a real shift in your life, something deeper has to change.
Your energy.
Your frequency.
Your level of consciousness.
And that requires learning to work with aspects of ourselves that most people were never taught even exist.
But it doesn’t start with complexity.
It starts simply.
With the understanding that there is more to life than what we can see.
And the willingness to take a step forward.
That’s enough.
The rest reveals itself through experience.
The results become the proof.
I shared more of this journey—including some of the early experiences that shaped it—on a recent podcast.
If you feel drawn to it, you can listen here:
https://youtu.be/xyryf4DDqrY?si=_S9XoI2ccSzy4OUy
(Also on Spotify & Apple Music)
